raidizh AR 34 Report post Posted April 26, 2009 he~~baikk.. ::icon_biggrin:: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
raidizh AR 34 Report post Posted April 26, 2009 ak copy n paste..COST CUTTING...!!!EFFECTIVE JANUARY 1, 2009NEW OFFICE POLICYDress Code:1) You are advised to come to work dressed according toyour salary.2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying aGucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financiallyand therefore do not need a raise.3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage yourmoney better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, andtherefore you do not need a raise.4) If you dress just right, you are right where you needto be and therefore you do not need a raise.Sick Days:We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proofof sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.Personal Days:Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.They are called Saturdays & Sundays.Bereavement Leave:This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do fordead friends,relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to havenon-employees attendthe funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employeeinvolvement isnecessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. Wewill be glad toallow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.Bathroom Breaks:Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.There is now a strict three-minute time limit in thestalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm willsound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stalldoor will open, and a picture will be taken. After yoursecond offense, your picture will be posted on thecompany bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will besectioned under the company's mental health policy.Lunch Break:* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they needto eat more, so that they can look healthy.* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get abalanced meal to maintain their average figure.* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that'sall the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are hereto provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternationand input should be directed elsewhere.The ManagementPass this on to all who are employed!We are expected to perform twice our potential, while cutting coststo half......This is the future performer ???Height of cost cutting"If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything tolaugh at when you are old" - Will Rogers Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wan G-Han 2 Report post Posted April 26, 2009 PuteriNurFarah wrote:DIALEK KELANTANKali Arung - SekaligusAir Geh - Air BerkabonatJauh Sapok - Teramatlah JauhnyaPanah Terik - Panas Yang Teramat SangatSejuk Ketta - Sejuk Yg Sangat?Ite Lettung - Tersangatlah HitamnyaPunoh Jahne - RosakGura Bewok - Gurauan Yang Menyebabkn PergaduhanTaik Aye Muna - Tahi Ayam Yang Masih HangatKona Lepe - Corner LipatKelecak - TerpelantingNakuk Paik - Penakut Yang Amat TinggiLonjong - Tinggi SangatMasing Pekkok - Teramat Masin = Masing Peghakk - Teramat Masin Nipih Nayyang - Sangat Nipis = Nipih Siatt - Sangat NipisMaknga - CuaiBabei - Degil (Tak Tau Nak Eja Camne)Jabir / Supek - Plastic BagKoghok - TengkorakKehek - Muntahkan SemulaPuahsang - BoringMeppeh - Tak LaratKepeh Blepeng - Sangat Kempiskeghah kekong -keras yg teramatkoho/selo - perlahan/slowkettuk heghek -kentut tarikblana kokna - banyak yang amatsamah - 50 senduo amah -singgitkekoh -gigitblago -berlanggarmokte- rambutanwoh kekoh caa -kuih buah melakaccongek -tejungkitkupik hangik -kedekut nak mamposwoh tteghe-buah gajusnnetting- melantunmanih letting -manis yg amatpok-e-dèng -pepatungpembetulan sikit farah... hehehhe.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wan G-Han 2 Report post Posted April 26, 2009 Bahasa Kelantan Ada cerita di sebuah sekolah rendahdi luar Kelate yg guru besarnya orang Kelate. Satuhari budak-budak ternampak ular. Jadi katacikgu,"cepat-cepat lah katok". Budak-budak punheran dan jawab balik, "bukan katak cikgu, tapiular."Hmmmm konpius... Katok =pukul, balun, hentamVocabulary :Bokbong - spesis musangTtuyup - pepatungPok Kor - spesis mengkarungIke Kkhonge - ikan cencaruGelenyar,Gletah = mengenyam, getikAbsorber = saksobaSupik Gelenyar - plastik bag (yang nipis tu.)Buah Topoh = buah epal (diambil dr perkataan Arab"tuffah" = epal)Gaduh, bbaloh = kelahiGgaduh = nak cepat (double `G' means sabdu)Saka = gula (sekarang sudah jarang digunakanolehgenerasi baru)Bekwoh = kenduri (mungkin berasal dari big work)Tohok = buangGhohok = susah, payahSIAK DUK GGOBAR = Jangan risau.. Don't worry,be happy!!!WAK GGOGHI = Bagi memulakan sesuatu.. tostart with.DEKPONG GAK EH = Kalau ya punJjughuh = baik (jjughuh budok tu = baik budak tu)Kelaghing = kesat/not smooth (kulit kelaghing =skin not smooth enough)Kelantan + English?? = "Kelantalish"Contoh:POZEK (deposit),RIZAT (1.result 2. reserved),NNEJA (manager),ISTEK (estate),SUWIH (switch),MERKET (market), dll...Kata penguat dlm bahaso Klate pun boleh tahanmenarik:manis LLETINGmasin PPEGHAKpahit LLEPEmase PPUGHIKtawar EBERputih SSEPOhite LLEGEbiru KKETUkuning NNEHEkenye BBONYAHcomel LLOTEgemuk DDEBOKbusuk BANGAhapok KOHONGAda beberapa "bunga bahasa" dalam loghatkelantanyang unik..Antaranya:YAK = lebih kurang "opocot!!!" atau "oops!!"DEH? = memohon restu atau persetujuan...lebihkurang "OK?",GAK = lebih kurang "habis tu.." atau "so.."PAH? = lebih kurang "GAK"HO(bunyi naik ke hidung sikit ) = "ya lah.." atau"yes"DOCK? = lebih kurang "bukan?", "betul tak?" atau"isn't it?"Seperkara lagi, ada diantara perkataan dalampenggunaan biasa loghat Kelantan di anggaptak manis didengar pengertiannya di dalam loghattempat lain...Yang popular digunakan antaranya:CEBOCK : kita maksudkan 'cedok', selalunyauntuk cecair, mencedok air. Banyak tempatsebelah pantai barat membawa maksud "basuhb***k" (istinja).PPATAK : kita maksudkan 'paling bawah'.Mencarut bagi mereka...TTINO : kita maksudkan 'perempuan' tapi bila sebutBETINA, ramai yang marah.(begitu juga JATE...)AIR TUAK : kita minum di bulan puasa, buatberbuka!!! Bagi orang luar, TUAK adalah Haram(sama taraf dengan TODI & ARAK...)Yang fresh &manis tu dipanggil NIRA.NNATE : kadangkala "simbol" kemesraan antarakawan...cuba direct translate jadi BINATANG...Boleh bergaduh nanti...SUKU SAKAT : bagi kita,bermaksud "tidak kenamengena", bagi org KL, ia bermaksud "kaumkerabat"contradict betul!!! heiyerrrr...Biasanya perkataan yang berakhir dengan`an','am','ang' diganti dengan `e'.cth : Jangan=jangeLengan=lengeGeran=gere,Pisang=piseMalam=maleAkhir sekali, peranan "SABDU" dalam loghatKelantan. Begitu besar dan boleh membezakanlangit dengan bumi.Sekadar contoh,Tanpa 'sabdu' orang boleh patah gigi keranaMAKAN KANTIN, sepatutnya disebut MAKEKKETENG (eating at the canteen)!!!Atau salah faham antara TAK PAKAI (not wearing)dengan TOK PPAKA (useless).Atau keliru diantara KECEK(tipu) dengan KKECEK(bercakap)so itula tutorial kite ttg bhs kelantan... sekian timekaseyy...p/s: gomo kelate gomo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cixent 0 Report post Posted April 26, 2009 PuteriNurFarah wrote:DIALEK KELANTANKali Arung - SekaligusAir Geh - Air BerkabonatJauh Sapok - Teramatlah JauhnyaPanah Terik - Panas Yang Teramat SangatSejuk Ketta - Sejuk Yg Sangat?Ite Lettung - Tersangatlah HitamnyaPunoh Jahne - RosakGura Bewok - Gurauan Yang Menyebabkn PergaduhanTaik Aye Muna - Tahi Ayam Yang Masih HangatKona Lepe - Corner LipatKelecak - TerpelantingNakuk Paik - Penakut Yang Amat TinggiLonjong - Tinggi SangatMasing Pekkok - Teramat Masin = Masing Peghakk - Teramat Masin Nipih Nayyang - Sangat Nipis = Nipih Siatt - Sangat NipisMaknga - CuaiBabei - Degil (Tak Tau Nak Eja Camne)Jabir / Supek - Plastic BagKoghok - TengkorakKehek - Muntahkan SemulaPuahsang - BoringMeppeh - Tak LaratKepeh Blepeng - Sangat Kempiskeghah kekong -keras yg teramatkoho/selo - perlahan/slowkettuk heghek -kentut tarikblana kokna - banyak yang amatsamah - 50 senduo amah -singgitkekoh -gigitblago -berlanggarmokte- rambutanwoh kekoh caa -kuih buah melakaccongek -tejungkitkupik hangik -kedekut nak mamposwoh tteghe-buah gajusnnetting- melantunmanih letting -manis yg amatpok-e-dèng atau tuyyut -pepatungTambahan sket.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
teri-chan 5 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 aik? aku rasa silap ni.. kalu tang bahasa ni kene bukak topik baru blaja bahasa daerah... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fiza_cute 0 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 a ah..tu la...bukak la topik baru blaja bahase klate...teri~lawak btul lawak ko tu...hahahaha ::icon_lol:: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hiruka 4 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 Isk Isk..bahasa loghat kampung aku dikategorikan lawak ke? = ="sungguh lawak la korang nih.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
raidizh AR 34 Report post Posted April 27, 2009 dorg tersilap 2... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mr TR 0 Report post Posted April 30, 2009 teri-chan wrote:gangster...Sebuah kumpulan gangster menghadapi masalah untuk mengutip wang perlindungandari peniaga. Ini kerana pihak polis sering membuat intipan dan tangkapan.Ketuanya mengambil seorang bisu untuk mengutip wang tersebut. Pada pendapatnya,tentulah polis sukar untuk menyoal siasat si bisu tersebut.Maka si bisu pun mula mengutip wang dan berjaya memperolehi RM50,000.Walaubagaimana pun, dia menyembunyikan wang tersebut di suatu tempat rahsia.Maka pada hari yang telah ditetapkan, ketua gangster mengarahkan orang-orangnyamemanggil si bisu. Apabila dipanggil, si bisu itu berpura-pura tidak dapat berkomunikasidengan mereka. Lalu mereka pergi berjumpa dengan seorang pakar bahasa isyarat.Gangster : Mana wang tu?Pakar menunjukkan isyarat kepada si bisu...Sibisu menunjukkan isyarat untuk "Aku tak tahu apa yang mereka katakan."Pakar bahasa isyarat memberitahu gangster tersebut. Dan gangster tersebut menghalakanpistol ke arah kepala si bisu.Gangster : Aku akan tembak kepala kau, bisu...Sibisu menunjukkan isyarat "Duit RM50,000 tu aku telah sembunyikan di taman permainandi bawah kerusi yang ketiga dari pintu masuk."Pakar bahasa pun berkata kepada ketua gangster, "Dia tidak tahu dimana wang itu dan kalau kau nak tembak-tembaklah..." pergh...jahat gk pakar bahasa nie....sian si bisu tu...huhuhu Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kindaichi_hajime 6 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 lawaknyerrr..tp byk...smpai xlarat nk bc..haha Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
teri-chan 5 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 meh sambung2 cite lawak lg.... aku dh takde idea nk letak cite lawak hehehe... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sh4m_1 0 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sh4m_1 0 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?Female customer: A white one...Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.Customer: Your left or my left? Tech support: ::icon_sad:: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sh4m_1 0 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time Itry, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placedit in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...Tech Support: ::icon_mad:: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sh4m_1 0 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 Customer: I have problems printing in red...Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?Customer: Aaaah....... ......... ....thank you.Tech support: ::icon_sad:: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sh4m_1 0 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?Customer : Netscape.Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.Customer : Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
teri-chan 5 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 aik? IT sahaja kah? lawak english yg lain tak boleh? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MalaYneuMaya 4 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 assalamualaikum...bwahaha..klua air mata aku..cant find printer tu yg sadis tu.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hiruka 4 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 Lawak IT ni sbnrnye luas cik teri..Lagipon rare lawak mengenai IT nih..so lets sharing ::icon_razz::Spoiler:WINDOZE QUOTES• "How much do Windows cost, and do you have to buy each one separately?"• Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"• Tech Support: "Do you have any windows open right now?"Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's twenty below outside..."• "I try to avoid using Microsoft. That's why I use MS-DOS."• Tech Support: "How can I help you?"Customer: "Well, everything is working fine, but there is one program that is not."Tech Support: "What program is it?"Customer: "It's called 'MSDOS Prompt'."Tech Support: "What's wrong with it?"Customer: "Well, I click on it, a black screen shows up with NOTHING but a sign that reads: 'C:\WINDOWS>', and it just sits there and doesn't do anything. I have to turn off the system to go back to Windows."• Customer: "File manager? What's that?"Tech Support: "How long have you had your computer?"Customer: "Three years."• "I have a 386 Pentium."• "My brother has a 486 with a Pentium chip in it."• Customer: "The computer told me it had contagious memory. Does it have a virus?"Tech Support: "No, that is 'contiguous' memory, as in 'sequential'."Customer: "That is impossible, it said 'contagious'."Tech Support: "Type 'mem' and hit the 'enter' key." Customer: "Oh."• "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."Spoiler:Some Conversation With Tech Support• Tech Support: "What version of the Mac OS are you using?"Customer: "Word 6.0."• Tech Support: "What browser are you using, Netscape or Microsoft?"Customer: "Netscape."Tech Support: "Could you read to me what it says at the top of the window?"Customer: "'Global Travel Conference - Microsoft Internet Explorer'."• Tech Support: "Are you installing on a Mac?"Customer: "No, I'm using a 3.5" thingee on a disk."• Tech Support: "This has Windows 98 on it -- did it have Windows 98 or 95 on it when it was sent out for repair?"Customer: "I think it had Office 97."• Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"• Customer: "I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the MSDOS mode in Windows 95."Tech Support: "Can you describe what happens?"Customer: "Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, 'C:\WINDOWS>'."• Tech Support: "which drive is your CD ROM?"Customer: "the top one."• Customer: "Do I hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?"• Tech Support: "Your password will be...a small 'a' as in apple, a capital 'V' as in Victor, the number '7' "Customer: "Is that a capital '7'?"• Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters..."Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."Spoiler:WINDOWS XP ERROR MESSAGESA few of the new error messages that were taken under consideration during the development of the Windows XP operating system...• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.• Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.• BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.• Close your eyes and press escape three times.• File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)• Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.• Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.• Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"• Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MalaYneuMaya 4 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 assalamualaikum...haha ye tapi kita kena paham jugak yg lawak ni difahami oleh org2 sekepala IT saja.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TJ-Ariff 40 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters..."Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."teringat aku sewaktu member aku mengajar orang orang kampung yg buta IT,apa bile disuruh "press any key" jenuh lah sorang pakcik nie tercari cari..apabila ditanya, dia kata: "tuan, tak jumpa pun any key nye tuan..." ::icon_razz:: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sh4m_1 0 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 Dear IT Support,Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in theoverall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as EPL 5.0, NBA 3.0 and ESPN 2.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix theseproblems, but to no avail.What can I do?Signed,Desperate-------------------------------------------------------------------------Reply:Dear Desperate,First keep in mind; Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is anoperating system. Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1. Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.Good Luck,IT Support Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hiruka 4 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 LoL sh4m, watla satu thread collection instead of 1 scenario in 1 thread..Ske wat Flooding ek? Anyway nice story..haha Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sh4m_1 0 Report post Posted May 4, 2009 hie3.. saje je.. leh la ramai2 reply post.. hie3..sebenarnya aku jumpa artikel ni.. so trus aku post.. malas nak simpan/kumpul... ::icon_smile::nnt aku wat 1 thread full of lawak.. hiehiehie... p/s:senyum dapat pahala lg nampak muda.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites